Tea would be a good idea right now, as I consume it I feel alive. Like it's the survival material for me...and it makes me feel better in general.

Right now, I don't think I can continue with college and I am very sorry to disappoint. It looks like English language is not my friend after all. 

Today I heard the news that some young man living in our village and diagnosed with cancer, if I am not mistaken, has passed away. I cried, because he is still so young and because cancer is something no one wishes upon another. 

I hope one day, I will be a better person, a good person, someone who has Qur'an and the teachings of the prophet Muhammed peace be upon him in mind, because right now I don't believe that I am. I try to pray well...I really do. 

So, we haven't talked about the thing that is killing me lately, which is, without a doubt, the need to stay in college and do better, well better than falling into academic probation. I already did that once, messed up even more, and my parents were more than disappointed. The suitable word would be shocked, horrified and angry. The fact that I will have zero prospects in the future is what made them that way, I guess. That's why in my household college is a must. Even if you're dying, literally dying of being in the position of the stupid one, a position you have not filled almost all your life before this new major post catastrophic event 1. All hopes are that there is no catastrophic event 2, because one was more than enough in terms of significant negative effect taking place.

No one really taught me much about religious things and obeying God. That's one of the reasons, I think, I am in this predicament: Not being able to graduate.

I like the idea of being sick, because at least when you're sick you have an excuse for not being so bright or energetic..etc. And thus, you're only really focused on getting better and well and that alone. That is exactly what I want: having an excuse.