So, basically you're gonna die because no body appreciates or finds unwillingness attractive unless in the shape of refusing to launch another atomic bomb but like, even that some people might see as a good thing. OR that it is epic, the idea of it. 

Anyway. We live in a world that holds a million opinion. and the way we express those opinions, I choose to do so in English because I just think it's an accomplishment to learn a foreign language and then again many people might disagree.

في الحقيقة لا تواتيني المشاعر الآن.

So, I've come to this realization that I will never amount to anything. I feel like I can't go on, and I am gonna be regretting it soon even though I can't do anything about it. I have five different subjects this semester one of which I didn't particularly study for, attended the midterm or did the project required for it. The instructor of that subject is really cool. He allows to skip class if we don't feel well or something and he is generally approachable. 

As for the other subjects I am doing well in just one, which is translation 2. I am, for two reasons: one being the doctor is lenient and the course is practical. I got 23.5 and 22 in test 1 and test 2 which is really great but so did most of the class. They scored quite well too.

There is this subject called Arabic Syntax which is really hard. I don't understand much when I attend the lectures. I am pretty clueless during the 1 h 40 m it's held within. 

This leaves Arabic Skills 1 which is pretty good but I am kind of afraid of the final. Also, English morphology where I had 15.5/20 and 13/25 in the two tests we carried on for the subject. The second result is pretty bad. I am trying to fix it but I am not sure how.

In conclusion, I am really bad when it comes to studying. I have the habit of over thinking about the consequences of my bad actions and wasting time which is a waste of time itself. I hope one day everything becomes well.

She always have this sort of, internal struggle, of deciding whether she'll have coffee or tea and where to buy some from. She walks from her complex in the usual route to Arts. There is a small cafeteria there, but the coffee there is too sweet. So, she opts to some cardamom tea which isn't really horrible if you keep your expectations to a low level. While she's walking she thinks of her sister, the one that would call her completely silly and not serious enough for college. She might have a point, after all college is not about your preferred beverage. However, for me, Maria, it is.

I don't hate my major but I am not that much of an over-achiever. In other words; I have a life. I am one of those graduates who graduate with a C and take pride of that since they also had a social life. But don't get me wrong I'm not against getting an A. I am all for it. Actually the day I have my A's I prepare a special private party and tell all my friends and family members.

------ to be continued ------

 When I was young I couldn't imagine living in a reality where I'm not going to college or working. Actually, once I have told my sister that I wanted to work already, I was 10. Now I am a freak. I let too many assholes decide how my life should be like. How much I am not entitled too. When in fact living still was something God has decided for me and it was only natural that I continue doing the same tasks and chores everyone else was doing. I like myself a lot, is a phrase that belong to the past. My past, of course. 

Now I spend time listening to music, currently I am fond of Ella Eyre's We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off. I like the lyrics to this song a lot. I feel like the message this song holds is pretty cool. "We don't have to take our clothes off" and we can have a good time some other way, basically I think it tells us we aren't sexual only animals. 

As to series I am still watching Gilmore Girls. I like Lauraly's obsession with coffee, there is not a lot of scenes where she is not holding a cup of coffee. I like how she seems very radiant and always have an un-ending supply of comebacks and witty remarks. I also, like her daughter Rori, she is in love with reading. I would identify myself with both "reading" and "coffee". 

So that's all my electronic diary, the thing is I have to empty the empty. See you.

Dear blog,

I have never started this way before but they say everything has a first. I think sometimes that everything I read play no part in shaping my character what so ever. It could be the quality of the books or the number of pages that turns me off. It's just that lately I don't have the appetite to read any book. It should be normal enough though. 

I want to write this, to feel like I'm able to produce something. My name is known to those who know my true essence. I am like an exotic fragrance that only appeals to certain types of people. I like music, way too much. I also have many addictions, I am addicted for example to sad stories. I am addicted to tea and coffee too. I like to think that once upon a time I was addicted to books too, or let's say to words. I was somewhat of an avid reader, and growing up in my culture you don't have to read that many books to be considered bookish or a book-worm. Now, it seems, nothing can make me happy. I feel like I want to shout, but it might get sucked in a void. 

What was I talking about? Music. I love music, they are one of the sole reasons I have a good English language. 

I feel like I am always tired. Sallaaam.